My name is Andrew. I like being asked questions. I like asking questions. I want to see the world.
Today, I realized that I have significant issues in my life that have gone unresolved for years. Today, these issues came to the forefront of my brain and reduced me to mush. I don’t want to feel like I’m depressed again, but damnit, nothing is going well, at all.
I am trying, though.
How does one determine self-destructive behavior? The thing I like doing the most may or may not be harming me, it varies from day to day. And even if I could quit you, how could I? You quit on me and that is a world I would never put you in. The only person I have to talk to about you, I can’t even talk to. You know her best.
The things that love can make you do will shock you to your core. It’s harder when those things go unnoticed. It’s a funny thing, love.
I do not feel well.
If someone brought me some hot wings or something that would be swell. Also my hair is getting longer. I can’t wait until it gets as long as it used to be.
Today was awesome, guys.
I now have renewed optimism. Not towards anything in particular, I just feel better about my life now.
I spent the entire day alone so I went through my closet and found some memories. Never again. Not having anything to look forward to makes me feel hollow. I’m trying to keep a positive outlook though. I feel like I’m all over the place and that I don’t make sense to anyone but myself and yet I get so angry because I can’t find anyone who understands what this is like. I knew thinking differently than the majority wouldn’t be easy, but I had no idea it would be so lonely.
I have all these things I need to say. I’m just not quite sure how to say them. I’ve been thinking about a few people (girls,really) I haven’t seen in years at an alarming rate and I’m not quite sure what it means. I have a problem with the fact that I spend so much time thinking about these people and not doing anything about it or not doing something more productive. But I can’t help it sometimes. It’s becoming so sporadic that surely I’m led to believe it means something, but how can that be if I don’t know what to think?
I have contradicting feelings all the time. It’s a real issue in my life.
You guys should follow me on twitter, I tweet mostly nonsense. And if I like you I’ll follow you back! @theandrewgomez
When I was a freshman in high school in Texas I took a class called AP Human Geography. Signing up for the class was completely out of the blue for me in eighth grade, but all my teachers suggested I take it because it presented the opportunity to gain college credit hours. I really only signed up because a lot of my friends did. My teacher was this old, wiry man with a high pitched voice named Mr. Chism. I could tell from the beginning that this guy knew his stuff. The class consisted of world geography, world religions, other forms of government, all kinds of neat stuff. He taught the class very well and was always one of the teachers I admired most. I ended up moving away from that school on April 13th, 2007 to move to Ocean Springs, Mississippi before the semester was over so I didn’t get to finish Human Geography. I remember having to get this withdrawal form signed by all my teachers before my leaving would be official. Mr. Chism was my 8th period teacher and it happened to be 8th period. Now I don’t mean to sound like I’m talking myself up or anything but when I lived in Texas, I was what most people would consider a popular person. So when I walked into that class and saw some friends crying and people making me signs there was a big sense of finality that came with that. My time in Amarillo was coming to a close and I hadn’t realized it fully. The last conversation I had with Mr. Chism has stuck with me for a long time. As he signed the withdrawal form he said, “You are a bright young man, Andrew. And you will go far. You should feel special that all your friends care so much about you.” I thanked him and told him I did. But the last thing he said to me is what the whole point of this story is about. We shook hands and he told me, “Have a nice life.” I was fifteen years old and had never heard anyone say that before, much less to me. I remember feeling a little offended because I was still so hopeful that I wouldn’t be gone forever. I feel like he knew more than I did that I wasn’t coming back. I’m walking out of that classroom thinking, “I’m about to move away from everyone I love, my life is not going to be nice.” But I do have a nice life. It isn’t perfect and I’m certainly unhappy a lot more than I’d like to be but I do have a very fucking nice life. I haven’t seen the man since that day so I shall assume his comments were genuine. But I have seen lots of other people I left behind since then and they aren’t half as genuine. These people who seemingly cared so much about me that it brought them to tears that I saw with my own eyes. I was forgotten by them and it was hard for me to accept that for a long time because I’m the type of person who remembers. I mean, even on tumblr, if we have ever interacted then I remember. I don’t like to forget. It is very important to understand that people come and go from our lives all the time. But it is even more important that we take something away from each person we meet. There are things to be learned from every single person. They know things you probably don’t and have probably seen things you have not. We as humans need to be thirsty for knowledge and understanding.
This is what I think about while I’m at work and put on tumblr for you to read. I need some more friends.
